My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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