Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize