This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
