I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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