This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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