Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
