I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
