i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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