Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
