Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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