You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
