Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
