Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just puked most of my soul out..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
