Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
