just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
