I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
