I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
