going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I could fuck to npr.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
