Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
