When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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