This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
