I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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