escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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