I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
