Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
