Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
