I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
