he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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