I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I would fuck him just for his dog
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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