I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
