I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The air was thick with penises
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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