Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
