What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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