If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
