I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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