I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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