You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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