I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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