I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
