I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
