Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
