Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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