just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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