just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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