I accidentally burped into my bong.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
