:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
