just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
