I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
