I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
