I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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