Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
