as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
