I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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