Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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