Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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