She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
