2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
