please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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