"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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