Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
