My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
