In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
