I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's rum buckets o'clock
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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