After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
