just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
