Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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