I like my sex mixed with concussions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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