she woke up with a sticky ear
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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