I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have aggressive nipples.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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