So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
